I am still recovering from a badly botched audition that I took for a local orchestra. I thought I was relatively well prepared, though I hadn’t practiced that much. I admit, I was relying on previous experience and practice to get me through, but I was still shocked at what happened.
It was like aliens invaded my body. All my work on good support and air flow went out the window. I was moving around like a possessed person, I didn’t recognize any of the physical behaviors I was doing and the music I played didn’t sound at all like me. I made a huge, unforgiveable error in one of the excerpts which sent me into total shock. It was a gymnast falling off the balance beam bad! Needless to say, it was the least enjoyable playing experience I have had in a long time.
Looking back, I made some big mistakes in my preparation. Here they are:
1. I listened to an audio book on the drive rather than getting my head together to play. This resulted in all my nerves going into chaos at once, nearly incapacitating me.
2. I didn’t rehearse the audition process. Sure, I practiced the music and listened to the excerpts, but I did not rehearse how the audition would go. This has always been a good technique for me and I didn’t think it was necessary. Hah!
3. I forgot to try and enjoy the playing, show the judges how great the music is and how I think it should be played. I went into ‘target mode,’ trying to play to fit some unspecified ideal, never a good strategy. Of course, it wasn’t even a strategy, it was a panic response.
At least I did breathe pretty well and my hands didn’t seize up from tension. The best thing I played was the excerpt I was least familiar with, go figure! I did make it into the group and I am happy with that. I’m just so disappointed that I played so badly, nothing went the way it should have or could have. Next time I’ll know better, and prepare better so I can show the good things I am capable of.